Auto-pilotness

Ok, I haven’t written an ooey-gooey post in awhile, so I think it’s time for one. You know the kind that just smells of pondering and philosophical questioning of the “bigger picture”…the endless “what ifs” and “whys” of daily existence. If you’ve ever been so completely consumed and/or focused on something that you totally forgot life exist beyond that focal point, then you can relate to what I’m about to say.

Every day for the past 14 years I’ve gone through life on “auto-pilot”…you know that feeling…you drive to work taking the exact same route but some days you don’t really remember driving there or what you passed along the way. Well, I kinda feel that way about spending all those years in school. The start of each fall, spring, and summer semester was like clockwork and it was so routine for me to get off work and head straight to night classes. Not to say that I didn’t actually LIVE during that time period, but even when I’d do something non-school related, I’d think about all my assignments or upcoming exams.

My vacation schedule revolved around Christmas break and Spring break. I remember many vacations where I spent more time on my laptop than on the beach. My grandfather died during my written doctoral exams and my grandmother died during my oral exams and I remember tapping away on my laptop within hours of their funerals. Nine years of marriage have come and gone and I’ve functioned more as a roommate than a wife. And, I’ve lost touch with some family members and friends along the way.

Well, I received my terminal degree this spring and now that “auto-pilotness” is lessening. As the fall semester rolled around a few weeks ago it felt awkward and I kept thinking I needed to complete registration forms, buy books, pay tuition, etc. My nights and weekends are now free and finally, after all these years, I get to do all the things I said I would do “when I finish school”. There are at least 5 or 6 things that immediately come to mind and most of them are fitness related (i.e., complete a half-ironman, cycle across America) or include traveling abroad (see a Grand Tour, participate in Oktoberfest).

So, what’s “next” in life for me…I’m not really sure. I’m slowly beginning to operate on a calendar year rather than an academic year. I’m spending less time on the laptop and more time with family and friends. I’ve whole-heartedly vowed to balance my personal and professional responsibilities. I’m traveling more and enjoying vacations. Of course, I still don’t have answers to all the “whys”, the “big picture” is still pretty blurry, and I don’t know exactly where “there” is. But, I know I must be headed somewhere to do something…and I need to make every effort to remember what I pass along the way. It’ll be interesting to see where life’s journey takes me “next”!

Thanks for checking in,
SK